Jaslyn Singh: Stopping cycle of abuse up to you

Domestic violence is really tricky. If you are getting abused mentally, verbally and physically, chances are it will never stop unless you make the change.

Why you? Why not?

Don’t expect others to change. You only have control over yourself.

The cycle of abuse is constant and continuous. There are four phases:

1. Tension building phase

2. Acting out phase

3. Honeymoon phase

4. Calm phase

The cycle just goes on and on.

If “I’m sorry, so sorry, I won’t do it again” sounds familiar, it might just be the line that wins your heart every time. Don’t fall for it!

Unless you also need that temporary bandage, which says, “I’m so glad I’m being apologized to, he/she really cares about me and loves me.”

Hello? You might not know the true definition of “love.”

It’s not your fault. But love equals respect. Short and simple.

Allowing one another to be happy and not trying to steal each other’s happiness is called “love.”

Both parties work as a bandage for each other. It’s all temporary. The relationship becomes a co-dependent one.

The need to be needed.

And what’s scary is, when the spouse chooses not to be abusive, the other will cause chaos because he or she needs the attention — even if it’s negative attention. It’s called “self sabotage.”

So, if you are on an ongoing cycle, take a healthy risk and call your local therapist or call me for more information.

Good luck and stop the abuse!

Contact Jaslyn Singh, licensed clinical professional counselor in Naperville, at 630-913-0080 or visit www.jaslynsingh.com.