Jaslyn Singh: Learn to talk to your spouse
By Jaslyn Singh www.jaslynsingh.com February 18, 2013 3:04PM
Jaslyn Singh, LCPC, CH, CPM, P.C.
Updated: March 21, 2013 6:03AM
How do you communicate with your spouse? Are you respectful or do you talk down to your spouse? Do you usually snap or do you use sarcasm or both? And when your spouse is angry about a situation, do you help him through it and validate his feelings or do you become defensive?
These are questions you must think about and answer honestly.
It is not OK to talk down to each other. I am sure you’re respectful to your boss or strangers or neighbors. You have the ability to respect others outside of your home, so why not continue the respect inside of your home?
Many hold grudges/resentments toward their spouse; therefore, it becomes challenging for one to display respect within the household. So if you know you have a grudge or a resentment toward your spouse, work it out. Validate each other and melt that anger/resentment ... that grudge. Because there is no use to hold onto negative feelings. How would you benefit by holding on to those feelings? You can’t benefit.
Tips on better communication:
Validate your spouse
Listen versus defending yourself
Stop using the “you” and use “I” statements
Try to stay calm, so that you both can hear each other
Remember that you and your spouse are on the same team
Be direct and assertive versus sarcasm.
Sarcasm is a hidden sign of anger. There’s no need for it. And lastly, try to remember that each person has their own perception. Many times there is no right or wrong.
I always tell my clients, it’s a choice, you could either be the “fuel” to the fire, or you could be the “extinguisher” to the fire. It all depends on how you would like your day to go. It is not up to anyone else.
Contact Jaslyn Singh, licensed clinical professional counselor in Naperville, at 630-913-0080 or visit www.jaslynsingh.com.