Naperville couple looking forward to civil unions

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Updated: August 4, 2011 4:20PM

Mike good-naturedly grouses that Adam can be kind of a slob, with the annoying habit of leaving his stuff strewn all over their house in south Naperville. Adam mentally rolls his eyes whenever worrywart Mike gets started on the state of their personal finances and business.

If that makes them sound like a typical — even mundane — couple, it’s because in many ways they are. And with statistics trending toward the nation’s increasing acceptance of homosexuality, Mike Isaac and Adam Stachowiak and the men and women like them might one day find themselves part of the American mainstream.

Members of the General Assembly recently took a collective step in that direction, passing the Illinois Religious Freedom Protection and Civil Union Act. It will allow unmarried, unrelated adults of any sexual orientation to enter into a union carrying with it “the obligations, responsibilities, protections and benefits afforded or recognized by the law of Illinois to spouses.”

Gov. Pat Quinn intends to sign the bill into law “likely after the first of the year,” said Annie Thompson, Quinn’s press secretary. Couples should be able to enter into civil unions after June 1, according to state Rep. Greg Harris, D-Chicago, who sponsored the House version of the bill.

Harris, who is gay, stressed the law will be applicable at the state, not the federal, level. “And nowhere in the law do we change the definition of marriage in Illinois, which is still between one man and one woman,” he said.

California, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon and Washington are the five states that already recognize civil unions and domestic partnerships. Same-sex marriage is legal in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and the District of Columbia.

‘Normal relationship’

Isaac and Stachowiak eagerly await enactment of the law, which will ensure their property and inheritance rights and allow them to make decisions for one another in the event of catastrophic illness and other literal matters of life and death.

Stachowiak, 27, is a Naperville native and graduate of Naperville North High School and Millikin University in Decatur. Isaac, 28, hails from Columbia, S.C., and graduated from Coastal Carolina University near Myrtle Beach.

The men worked in the real estate and mortgage industries until November 2006, when they bought and refurbished the Petland store on Route 59 on Naperville’s far west side. They also owned a Petland shop in Wheaton, which they recently closed.

Stachowiak chuckled with a bit of embarrassment when asked how he and Isaac made their acquaintance. “We met online while we were in college, and just started (corresponding) and talking on the phone,” he said.

The two began dating one another exclusively in December 2002, with Isaac moving to Naperville 12 months later. They held a commitment ceremony — which was “just like a normal wedding ceremony,” according to Isaac — on May 28, 2006, at the Danada House in Wheaton, with 200 family members and friends in attendance.

Stachowiak said he and Isaac were more fortunate than many young gay men and lesbians because their parents and siblings did not reject them after they publicly acknowledged their homosexuality.

“I came out in high school,” Stachowiak said. “As anybody would expect, I guess there was shock, and then they got accustomed to it.”

Isaac, who came out in college, said his parents “at first were a little — they were not non-accepting, they were secretive. I think they were concerned about what other people would think.”

“Now everything’s great,” Isaac said, noting with a laugh how Stachowiak’s parents “call me their son-in-law. And I think my parents like Adam better than me.”

“It’s like a normal, spousal relationship. Now Adam and I forget we’re different. We forget we’re the weird ones on the block.”

That acceptance extends to the block where they live in Naperville.

“It was an uncomfortable issue for us for awhile, but it was nice to have our neighbors being really supportive of us,” Isaac said. He and Stachowiak even hosted one husband and wife’s three teenage daughters in their home when the couple went on vacation.

“But the guy across the street wouldn’t let his kid come near us,” Stachowiak said of another neighbor. That man and his family — coincidentally or otherwise — have since moved from the neighborhood.

Legal rights

Both men are pleased with and excited about the pending civil union law, particularly as it will apply in matters of health and power of attorney.

“If I’m in intensive care, (Mike’s) not allowed in” to his hospital room other than as a visitor, Stachowiak said. “So that’s kind of scary.”

“Right now, Adam’s parents would make the medical decisions” should he lapse into a coma or be kept alive solely by medicine and machinery, Isaac said. “So again, we’re very lucky we have great relationships with our parents,” all of whom have agreed to let their sons decide such matters, he said.

Isaac also noted that, should he die today, members of his blood family would inherit his money, property and possessions, rather than Stachowiak. “Anything we have jointly, Adam would have to buy me out” in order to legally own it, he said.

Heterosexual couples “get more rights and benefits than we do, and I think everybody should have the same rights,” Isaac said. “We’ve kind of grown accustomed to not having them, so it’s going to be great, now that we do have some benefits.”

More gifts?

Isaac facetiously considered another potential “benefit” to his and Stachowiak’s situation. Friends and relatives showered the couple with gifts during their commitment ceremony, and Isaac expressed his hope they would do so again following their civil union ceremony and perhaps even a third time, should they one day be able to legally marry.

And while neither man declared his affection for and devotion to the other aloud during an interview, their obvious love for one another made clear their intention to remain together, in times better or worse, richer or poorer.

“We’re just like everybody else, I guess,” Stachowiak mused. “And just want to be treated like everybody else.”