In last night's "Bachelor" finale both Nikki and Clare walked away without love or an engagement. Nikki however, won the final rose as Pabs confessed his deepest like for her.
"I like you a lot, A LOT," Pabs said as he dangled an engagement ring in front of her only to stuff it back in his pocket. "I'm not 100 percent sure I want to propose to you. But at the same time, I am 100 percent sure I just don't want to let you go.
Pabs, you see, wasn't 100 million percent sure Nikki was the one after 10 weeks, a handful of countries and a lot of snogging. And back in episode whatever, Nikki's dad told Pabs to be absolutely sure if he proposed. Of course, Pabs jumped behind that as a barricade and told Nikki that he wasn't going to propose out of "respect for her dad." In fact, android Pabs wasn't even going to tell her he loved her, out of respect for… the sanctity of… something.
The last episode of Season 18 (the most controversial in "Bachelor" history, according to Chris Harrison) promised drama — and it delivered, in a lot of unexpected ways.
Meet the Parents
Both Clare and Nikki were invited to meet the Galavis family, who flew to Saint Lucia so they could be there when their son flip-flopped on wanting to "find love." Pabs' family seem unified in their message to both women: are you sure you want to marry Juan Pablo?
"He sometimes is very rude," his mom tells Clare.
(Momma Pabs also says that JP is "hyperactive," he gets sleepy around 2 p.m. and he needs to be fed using the choo-choo train method).
"He's not an easy guy," Papa Pabs tells Nikki. "He's always specific in what he wants."
Did he and Andi talk?
Don't talk dirty to me
On Clare and Pabs final date, they take a helicopter ride over Saint Lucia sans cameras and mics. As we already know, Pabs just doesn't know when to shut up when he's not on camera. Apparently, while they rode in the helicopter, Pabs told Clare something to the effect of "I don't know you, but I love f***ing you" (which she reveals later). Clare's not having any of that crap and confronts Pabs about it.
Clare: "You could have said anything in the world, no mics, no cameras. And what did you tell me?"
Pabs: "Remind me."
Clare: "First of all, you made a comment about stuff that happened with us in private."
Pabs: "That's fine, its in private, its between the two of us. Things that happen in private stay in private."
Clare: "You told me that you don't know me at all."
Pabs: "You got me all wrong. It's not that I don't know you at all, it's that I don't know you enough. It's that you don't know me enough."
Rather than falling back on the old English-is-my-second language routine, Pabs plays the honesty card, telling Clare that there's probably a lot of parts about her he doesn't know and doesn't like. But then, in a sick 180, he tell her that he could see himself with her in the future. That pretty much instantly melts Clare and she's back on the Pabs bandwagon. Even Sean Lowe, the married "Bachelor" from season 17, who was in attendance at the "Bachelor" HQ was shocked.
"Whooo. It was painful to watch," Lowe said. "I could hear the collective sigh in here when she started to give in. And honestly I felt like Juan Pablo was talking in circles like we've seen him do in previous weeks and you just kind of want to grab him and tell him 'Shoot her straight! Tell her how you're feeling!'"
Sharleen wasn't happy either. "I found it pretty painful to watch a girl's intuition ringing and she just ignored it while he was quite patronizing to her."
Last Nikki Date
Similar to Clare, Nikki was looking for a sign on their final date together. But rather than force it, she stays quiet.
The Final Countdown
Clare tells Pabs she "believes" in him, but this is no Journey song.
Pabs: "I wish the earth sucked me today because this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make," Pabs says as Clare's sad puppy-dog face turns to steely hate. Pabs goes in for a hug only to be pushed away by Clare.
Clare: "I saved this moment for the man of my dreams and I thought that was you. I thought I knew what kind of man you were," Clare says as Pabs clears his throat. Um, Chris? Help! "Sharleen didn't have the feelings for you. Andi did the same thing. You had every opportunity like those other girls did to tell me how you felt."
Pabs: "Do you know when I made my decision?"
Clare: "It doesn't' matter to me. I lost respect for you. What you just made me go through, I would never want my children to have a father like you."
Pabs: "Whoo, I'm glad I didn't pick her," he says as Clare leaves.
Queen Nikki the Victorious?
Nikki finally tells Pabs that she loves him. Pabs smiles and says, "Nikki, whoo. I just know I love so many things about you." Not exactly the same. Pabs can see Nikki as a good stepmom for Camila, but he only proposes to take things slow, which must sound like death after battling it out for that ring.
There's a brief moment after Pabs asks, "Nikki, will you assept my final rose?" that you think she might knee him in the balls. But, no.
Pabs final words to Nikki? "Don't get cranky now because you're hot."
After the final rose
The ultimate "Bachelor" debrief, which brought together Pabs, Nikki, Clare, the Lowes and former contestants, carried a surprisingly interesting discussion about whether Pabs should have told Nikki he loves her. (He still hasn't by the way). In one corner is Chris Harrsion, desperately prodding Pabs to surprise everyone with a confession of his love.
Chris: "How do you feel about this woman?"
Pabs: "I feel fantastic about this woman!"
In the other corner is Juan Pablo, who insists that he and Nikki will take things slow, live a private life and that he'll tell her he loves he when he's ready.
"We are done with the show. We are so done," Pabs says.
As much as we all hate Pabs, it's hard to argue with that. In any other circumstance, his desire to hold off on throwing himself (and his daughter) into a serious relationship would seem mature, maybe even wise. But this is Pabs and this is "The Bachelor."
"When you sign up to be "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette," it's a public forum, like everybody wants to go on this journey with you to find love," Chris says. "This is the happy stuff. Why not want to share that with all these phenomenal people who have been on this journey because that's what we signed up to watch and that's what you signed up to show?"
As Catherine Giudici, Sean Lowe's wife says, "don't slap the hand that fed you."
After the happy(?) couple leave, Chris wraps up the season nicely.
"Another season of "The Bachelor" has come to an end, not going to lie, I'm OK moving on."
So are we.
"The Bachelorette" revealed!
Oh yeah, and Andi is the next "Bachelorette," but we already knew that. We're rooting for "The Bachelorette: Bismarck" this spring.