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Loosely Translated: ‘The Bachelor’ apologizes, then swoons the ladies on sea, air and land

<p>Juan Pablo doesn't think a gay "Bachelor" would do well on TV. &nbsp;| &nbsp;Screenshot</p>
<p>Juan Pablo doesn't think a gay bachelor would do well on TV. &nbsp;| &nbsp;Screenshot</p>

It was a difficult night for Aurora fans of “The Bachelor” as hometown contestant Christy Hansen was bounced from the show during the rose ceremony in episode three.
 
But Hansen’s canning seemed a foregone conclusion as she had about as much screen time as I did in the season’s three episodes.
 
“This happened because people are way more open than I am,” a misty-eyed Christy said in her first and only talking-head interview since she was introduced. “It’s not fair.”
 
No, maybe not. So long Christy and welcome back to Aurora.
 
This week’s episode of the reality show was largely overshadowed by actual reality after Juan Pablo made anti-gay remarks in an interview during the Television Critics Tour.
 
When asked about his thoughts on a gay “Bachelor,” Juan Pablo said that show would be “more pervert in a sense. To me that show would be too strong, too hard to watch on TV.”
 
His comments come on the heels of other anti-gay remarks made by “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson who was shortly suspended from the A&E program before being reinstated earlier this month.
 
ABC, whose show “Modern Family” has been praised for its portrayal of openly gay characters, was quick to respond.
 
“Juan Pablo’s comments were careless, thoughtless and insensitive, and in no way reflect the views of the network, the show’s producers or studio,” the network said in a joint statement with production company Warner Horizon.
 
Juan Pablo also took a swing at apologizing on his Facebook page.
 
“The comment was taken out of context. If you listen to the entire interview, there’s nothing but respect for Gay people and their families,” he writes before going on to use a lost in translation defense for his use of the word “pervert.”
 
“Everyone knows English is my second language and my vocabulary is not as broad as it is in Spanish and, because of this, sometimes I use the wrong words to express myself. What I meant to say was that gay people are more affectionate and intense and for a segment of the TV audience this would be too racy to accept.”
 
Regardless of language, that’s a bad apology and still includes a severe generalization about the gay community. Maybe what's most interesting is that while Juan Pablo insults in broken English, he apologizes with the Queen’s fluency. Who knew?
 
What’s almost as offensive as Pab’s view of gay people as “more pervert” is his opinion that a gay bachelor wouldn’t do very well on TV. Listen up ABC, that show would obliterate ratings. Consider the opportunity for love triangles between contestants! Holla if you want to see “The BacehorS” next season!
 
Back in Pabs’ faux reality world of last night’s episode, where he has yet to soil his reputation, the Venezuelan-born father and former “Bachelorette” contestant took two girls on one-on-one dates and others on a group date while two were left behind to shiver in their bikinis.
 
Third, First Date: Pabs takes Cassandra, the former NBA dancer (read: unemployed) and single mom (the father of her child is Piston’s guard Rodney Stuckey) on what at first appears to be a casual ocean-side drive in a weird jeep/dune buggy thingy.
 
Cassandra reminds us, or rather, hammers us with the fact, that she hasn’t been on a fist date since she was 18, so this is kind of a big deal, until we remember that she’s only 21, so its not.
 
“Cassandra loves the water and I definitely have to give her what she wants,” Pabs tells us.
 
So Pabs drives the jeep onto the beach and straight into the water. For a moment Cassandra thinks Pabs has lost it until the wheels on the bus lift up and the jeep morphs into a boat.
 
“It’s a water car!” JP exclaims. Of course!
 
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Renee tries to ham up her single-mother story to Elise, who listens diligently before torpedoing Renee’s plan with her own story as she reveals that as her mother died of melanoma, she wrote a letter encouraging Elise to go on “The Bachelor.” Renee, her sympathetic sell now foiled, turns back into the nurturer and hugs Elise.
 
AWKMO: The Awkward Moment of the Week goes to “The Bachelor” editing crew for an insensitive hard cut from Renee hugging Elise, torn-up over her mother’s death, to Juan Pablo and Cassandra in the Pabs Mobile, laughing maniacally while they skip over the ocean like a thrown stone toward a giant yacht. Good times!
 
The rest of the date is swimsuits, yacht, making out and dancing (JP shows the former NBA dancer how to move to music in an ass-backwards display).
 
Favorite thing we’ve never noticed on “The Bachelor:” The commercial that solicits YOU to be on the show in future seasons without knowing who’s up for grabs.  Are you perfect for the perfect stranger?
 
Sound Bites of the Night: “I look at her and go dayum, she’s beautiful.” — Pabs on Cassandra
 
“It’s weird kissing someone that you know is kissing other people.” — Elise sums up the contemporary problems of polygamy.
 
Group Date: JP brings the girls to the LA Galaxy’s stadium (that’s soccer) for a reminder that he used to be a pro. Pabs warms up with some of the Galaxy players before putting the girls through drills and organizing a pick up game of red team vs. blue team. The game quickly turns into a crapshoot as Pabs prefers to play sans goalies. Is that how they do it in Venezuela?
 
Take-Two: The real game begins when the girls compete for one-on-one time with JP. Sharleen wins the MVP as she makes out with Pabs at the center line of the field as the rest of the girls turn green. Goooooal! Later, during the inevitable pool party, Sharleen again gets caught making out with Pabs, but she does fall short of the hat trick.
 
Who we’re in love with this week: Still Sharleen, who showed the most agency of any contestant so far this season by calling out Pabs as a tease after making out with him.  It’s no surprise she didn’t get the group date rose in week three, which went to Sicky Nikki.
 
Thrown in before the rose ceremony is an impromptu breakfast where the girls come downstairs without makeup or hairdos to find JP whipping up eggs in the kitchen. So hot.
 
Fourth, First Date: Pabs terrifies the dorky, but adorable Chelsie with a tandem bungee jump off a bridge.  As Chelsie protests the idea, Pabs puts her through the psychological ringer.
 
He asks Chelsie if she trusts him, then demands she trust him, only to ease back and tell her she doesn’t have to trust him. But the result is a jump or go home ultimatum. So Chelsie takes her leap of faith and is rewarded with upside-down making out, Spiderman-style, as the two are reeled back up to the bridge.
 
Following his mind-control antics, JP admits his greatest fear is not being an example for his daughter. Terrified yet JP?
 
Rose Ceremony: The keepers are Nikki, Chelsie, Cassandra, Andi, Renee, Kelly, Sharleen, Elise, Kat, Alison, Clare, Lauren and Danielle. Weird Lucy is out, to Eric Spiegel delight, with Christy following her. Damn.

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